I've Got A Gambling Problem
Escaping the Lies of Gambling Addiction, Michael Vlach - Christian finances, money management and financial help from a Biblical perspective. Debt, planning, budgeting, investing and more.
- I've Got A Gambling Problem Among
- I've Got A Gambling Problem Meaning
- I Got A Gambling Problem
- I've Got A Gambling Problem Solving
To the outside world, Mike, 32, was a happily married dad working in finance. Privately, he was battling an addiction to gambling, which led to over £110,000 worth of debt – costing him his degree, marriage and almost his life. Now in recovery, and working with Young Gamers and Gamblers Education Trust (YGAM), here he describes a day in the throes of his addiction.
- And I won’t go to the doctors, I know I’ve got a gambling problem – it’s taken so much to admit that to myself and those closest to me – but I’m not prepared to admit out loud I have mental health issues or take medication.
- Luckily I didn't need to use it, and my gambling hadn't got to a critical stage (I am in no way making excuses or excusing myself, I just managed to nip it in the bud quickly) The lies is what my husband found so hard to forgive, and the shame I felt about lying was horrible.
- My online gambling addiction ruined my life. ABC Radio National. I've got regular access to my children, I'm rebuilding lost relationships, I've found some temporary work — and I haven't had.
12.01: It’s payday and my wages have landed. Emma is asleep upstairs but I get my phone out and start gambling on online casino games.
02.15: Still playing. I’m on roulette. When that wheel starts spinning – whether I’ve bet £1 or £1000 – I get this powerful rush; a high that comes just before the ball lands. Whether I win or lose right now is almost irrelevant. I know I’m addicted to that chance, the risk. My balance says £5000, but because I’m doing it online, it doesn’t feel real. I know I’m never going to get that money, I’m just chasing my losses – and I need at least £30,000 to manage my debts right now.
03.46: I’ve lost all my winnings – and blown my entire monthly salary. I have nothing in my account for the next four weeks but I have rent and bills to pay, plus payday loan companies and loan sharks chasing me. The debt is crippling me. It’s fine, I’ll sort it tomorrow.
05.08: Can’t sleep. Anxiety is racing through me. Growing up, my family only ever gambled on the Grand National, but I remember lying to my parents about what I had for lunch at school when, really, I’d lost it on a bet with friends. At 16, I was betting regularly, but it ramped up at uni when my student loan dropped. That, along with the independence of living away from home – and a job working in a bookies – fuelled the fire. I didn’t think I had a problem, or that it was something you could even get addicted to. Then I won £980, and I remember thinking how easy it was. I started betting on any sport I could and buying scratch cards. When I saw a mate on an FOBT (fixed odds betting terminal) and he turned £10 into £100 in 60 seconds, my enthusiasm rocketed. Within months I was on the machines (playing roulette, blackjack and slots) for nine hours straight when I wasn’t working. Once I found the games online, that became my crack cocaine. Ten years later, it still is.
07.30: I’ve had a couple hours of broken sleep and the reality of what happened last night slams me the second my eyes open. I lie to Emma that I’m late for a work meeting – she’s already suspicious – and rush out the door without having breakfast.
08.50: Arrive at the office, but I couldn’t care less about work. Today is about keeping my head above water. I’m lucky I get to work flexibly and independently for my finance job but I’m abusing that position a lot these days. I just need to get any money I can this morning so that I can increase it at the bookies – gambling is the only way to fix this.
10.18: Productivity level is zero. I’m constantly distracted and can’t stop checking my phone. Every time an email or message vibrates, I’m convinced it’s someone chasing me for money.
11.55: I’ve spent the last 90 minutes firing 20 online applications off to loan companies. I’ve rinsed the normal means of borrowing – my credit rating is fucked – so I’m trying to borrow from people I shouldn’t. I know they have huge interest rates, but I just need my hands on that money – I’ll worry about the repayments later. Or, I’ll win at least something this month to keep me going.
12.30: A colleague asks why my hands are shaking. I tell him my brother is ill, and I’m really worried about him. He is, but I play that in my favour knowing it will give me breathing space. I know that sounds horrible, but that’s the kind of stuff I do now: I’m an expert in deceit and manipulation. Previously, I’ve asked close family members and mates to bail me out because I’d got into “a bit of debt”, and I’ve given them account details for a loan shark when, actually, it’s one that I’ve set up. I’ve told them I need £500 to make the repayment when, actually, I just need £200. It means I can use the other £300 to gamble. I put my gambling before everything and everyone else; including Emma when I steal from her purse, and my 18-month-old son, Rory, when I steal from his piggy bank. My mum has handed me cash, made me promise not to gamble it – and I’ve sworn on anyone’s life that I won’t, knowing full well I will.
13.05: Everyone’s off for lunch. I’m still not hungry. I have a couple of quid in change, and I’m going to head to a bookies. I know I can turn it into £1000. The most I’ve ever won is £3500, but I lost it – and yet I’ve still placed a 15p bet the next day and told myself I can win it back. Before I leave the office, I turn my phone off so Emma can’t track my location. I get why she does: I’ve lied to her loads about my whereabouts, or been caught out when I’ve gone to a pawn shop or the bookies. I feel like I’m living a double life. Constantly remembering what I’ve told people and keeping up with the lies is exhausting.
13.36: I didn’t win. By the time I walk back into the office, my heart is racing, I’m sweating and there’s a crushing feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach.
14.45: Pacing up and down in the men’s. I’ve lost count how many times I’ve escaped to the toilet today. I look in the mirror; I look awful. But this is probably easier to hide than drug or alcohol abuse. The signs are behavioral, not physical. My mental health is suffering hugely but I won’t tell anyone else – it’s too embarrassing, and I know people won’t understand. And I won’t go to the doctors, I know I’ve got a gambling problem – it’s taken so much to admit that to myself and those closest to me – but I’m not prepared to admit out loud I have mental health issues or take medication. That’s not the person I am – and I know I’ll be fine. I’m not afraid. I know I’ll find a way to sort this. I’ll play the people I need to in order to work this situation to my advantage.
15.37: My working day has gone out the window. My focus is still on trying to get hold of some money. But borrowing is even more difficult for me these days. I can’t get loan companies or sharks to send me money via bank transfer as Emma has my driving license, birth certificate and passport to stop me opening more bank accounts. I can’t risk her finding out I’ve had a relapse, I know she will – it’s a ticking time bomb. I remember there’s a ring at home – I’ll pawn it tomorrow.
17.30: Finish work and Emma WhatsApp’ed me. I haven’t replied to her last three messages. I tell her everything’s OK. It’s not OK – and we’re not OK. Last month I told her I’d kill myself if she left me. I won’t but I know that will make her stay with me. She says my addiction is a toxic disease and something I can’t control. She always says to talk to her if I gamble, and that she’ll help me but I never do. And each time I get myself out of a shit situation, it gives me the confidence to keep going. I’ve had every reason to want to stop. I’m experiencing the harm of gambling: I left uni without a degree because of it, I couldn’t get a mortgage because of it, and now my marriage is barely surviving because of it – but I’ve just not had the genuine desire to stop. Plus, nothing can stop me. I’ve closed bank accounts, I’ve tried getting exclusion from bookies, I’ve downloaded software to stop me going on online gambling sites. Mum has paid for me to go to hypnotherapy, but once I walked into reception and watched her drive off, I left and spent the money for the session on gambling. People might say the risk of loosing my marriage, or my son, should be enough to stop me but in reality – it isn’t.
18.10: Head to my second job in a pub. I’ve started working a few nights a week to help get more money. I also deliver groceries. I realise I need food so my mate in the kitchen cooks me dinner. As I eat, I check my phone – someone’s commented on a Facebook photo of me, Emma and Rory in the park last week. We look like a perfect family but behind the scenes it’s chaos. If ever I take Rory somewhere at the weekend, it’s always scheduled around the sport I’ve put bets on.
20.43: I’m so tired and the pub is busy. Can’t stop thinking and worrying that I haven’t been able to access any money today. I remember to change the passcode on my phone again so Emma can’t check anything when I’m asleep later.
23.19: Arrive home. Emma is up and we have a glass of wine. It still surprises me that I can take or leave alcohol. When I was younger and I got involved with the wrong kind people through gambling, I dabbled with drugs, but I’ve never shown signs of addiction to anything else. Emma seems fine but is asking a lot of questions about my day. The conversation is calm and I want to hold on to this feeling for as long as possible as I know within a few days a standing order will bounce and it will all kick off.
00.15: In bed. I feel beyond exhausted and hugely alone in my worry. A lot of people would say the opposite of addiction is sobriety. I’d say the opposite to addiction is connection. It’s a very lonely place. Whenever I’ve tried to explain it to those closest to me, they can’t get their head around it. They look at it though a logical lens, and say: “What the hell would possess you to take coppers from your kid’s piggy bank to gamble with? That’s evil! Why don’t you stop and think?” But in my experience of addiction, that logic doesn’t apply. It’s too powerful and destructive – it defies all logic. That’s not my thought process when I make these decisions; I don’t think like other people in those situations. But tomorrow I’ll pawn that ring and double the cash: Saturday is the best day for sports betting. I’ll sort it.
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Updated September 04, 2017 16:45:46
I'm a gambling addict. Three years ago, I was convicted of white collar fraud, after I stole over $130,000 from my employer to fuel an insatiable addiction.
My poison of choice was not poker machines, but online gambling.
Racing, the thoroughbreds, the trots, the dogs — I wasn't fussy, so long as I could get a bet on and fuel that addiction.
The bets would range anywhere between $5,000 and $20,000 a day. I would bet until 3:00am, try to sleep for three hours and bet again for another three hours on online racing in the United States.
I always thought the stereotypical gambling addict was a working-class middle-aged man or woman, sitting at their local club, feeding their favourite pokies machine four or five nights a week.
I've Got A Gambling Problem Among
But I rarely ventured into the local TAB.
Betting while the kids were in the bath
At the zenith of my addiction, I was married with two beautiful young children and working as a finance manager at a local council.
When I was with my family, I was physically there — but mentally, I was miles away, thinking about gambling: when I could next bet, where would the money come from, whether I could back a winner.

I thought about gambling 24/7. I placed bets at home, at work, the shops — basically everywhere and anywhere I could get reception on my phone.
I would be walking with the kids and our dog, yet I'd still be trying to place bets. I would even bet and watch the races on the phone while the kids were in the bath.
A knock at the door
I had been thinking about stealing to solve some of my debt problems for months, but I couldn't do it because I knew the consequences would be dire.
Then one evening, I had a visit from two large men with a baseball bat, strongly suggesting it would be in my best interests to repay a sizable debt that was due that week.
They punched me and threatened to use the baseball bat 'next time'.


I was left bruised and battered from their warning. It was a seriously scary moment; I still occasionally have flashbacks and it sends chills through my body.
That night, I made the decision to steal from work. I felt physically sick and fidgety; my mind wouldn't stop racing. I knew it was wrong, but I did it — knowing I could one day get caught.
The first time is without a doubt the hardest — but once you've done it, stealing becomes easier.
Listen to the program
Earshot meets Leigh, an online gambling addict.
I had nothing to lose. That's how I 'reasoned' it.
However, stealing became another problem to add to my list.
I was constantly worried about being caught. When someone knocked on my office door, when I got a phone call, when my boss called me to a meeting, I was never quite sure.
The fear was slowly killing me, but I couldn't confess, couldn't turn back. I was on a knife-edge with no solution, no way out.
It was a Monday morning when I was finally caught. I was called into the CEO's office and they presented me with the overwhelming evidence.
I was caught red-handed, but I still denied it. I knew my career was over and that jail was not far away.
But at that stage, I had a small sense of relief. No more looking over my back. The lying and deceitfulness could stop.

On the inside
When I was caught and sentenced to jail, the gambling addicts I met in the prison system had similar stories to mine. They were middle-aged, smart, well-educated men from good upbringings, all addicts to racing and not the pokies — certainly not the stereotypical gambling addicts I had imagined.
My addiction cost me everything. I lost my job, all my material possessions including house, car, everything I owned.
But that pales into insignificance to the lost relationships.
Need help or support?
If gambling is affecting your health and you are feeling anxious or depressed, or if gambling is negatively impacting on your relationships, help and support are available.- Call Lifeline on 13 11 14
My marriage disintegrated, I lost access to my children, I don't talk to my family and I'm no longer on speaking terms with most of my friends. I don't blame them.
During my year in jail, I had enough time to reflect on all the damage it had caused and when I was to be released I knew I couldn't go back to that lifestyle.
You get far too much time to reflect in jail. I was constantly thinking about the kids, but I didn't decide to quit gambling because of them. The constant stress and 24/7 of thinking about gambling had destroyed me: physically, emotionally, and financially.
I knew if I didn't stop gambling it would kill me.
Get help before it's too late
I write this not because I find it a cathartic experience, but because I hope that it helps others to seek help before it's too late. Or for family and friends of addicts to intervene and offer support.
For people 'on the edge' or thinking about committing fraud, the solution is simple: get help.
I've Got A Gambling Problem Meaning
Seek support before you hit rock bottom. The help that suited me the most was from my psychologist, one-on-one extended chats — but for others it may be Gamblers Anonymous.
For the family and friends of addicts: please don't give up on them, it's a horrendous disease and they need all the support you can give.
Life in 2017 is certainly not perfect, but it's a damn sight better than it has been.
I've got regular access to my children, I'm rebuilding lost relationships, I've found some temporary work — and I haven't had a bet since 2014.
I Got A Gambling Problem
Topics:gambling, internet-culture, family-and-children, fraud-and-corporate-crime, law-crime-and-justice, australia
I've Got A Gambling Problem Solving
First posted September 04, 2017 12:14:41